Jesters Inn

Listen Here

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 23:00:48 GMT

Listen Here
Old Jock had been very hard of hearing for many years, but eventually his doctor got him fitted up with a very discreet hearing aid. A month later, Jock was back for a check-up and the doctor remarked that Jock's family must be delighted that he could hear perfectly again. Jock grinned and remarked: "Och, I haven't told them yet. I just listen to the conversations and don't let on I can hear them now. I've changed my will three...

Lachlan's Laws - # 32

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 22:59:31 GMT
Lachlan's Laws - # 32
That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a "bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another example: "The only way to keep healthy is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." (Although Mark Twain may have said it first).

It's a Girl...

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 22:58:13 GMT
It's a Girl...
Like all good, modern fathers, Geordie was present when his wife gave birth to their first child. "It's a girl!" declared the midwife - and then noticed the slightly crestfallen look on Geordie's face. "Are you disappointed that it's a girl?" she asked. Geordie tried to cover up and replied: "Not really. A girl was my second choice...."

So Who Was She?

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:43:52 GMT
So Who Was She?
Donald and Morag's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Jemima. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the cemetery, Donald confessed to his wife, "Morag dear, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Jemima in the house all those...

Lachlan's Laws - # 29

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 18:02:12 GMT
Lachlan's Laws - # 29

That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a "bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another example: "Don't worry about what people think - they don't do it very often."

Recipe for a Good Marriage

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 18:00:05 GMT

Recipe for a Good Marriage
Tavish McTavish was a stranger to the Auchenshuggle Arms and after Lachlan had spouted forth his "philosophy", Tavish told the assembled gathering that he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary and his wife and he rarely had an argument.. When asked for his secret for a happy married life he replied "Well, I've tried to treat her well, spend money on her, tell her that's she the best wife a man ever had, but...

Breakfast in Bed

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 14:20:13 GMT
Breakfast in Bed

Hector remarked to his wife "You know, Morag, I really miss you serving me breakfast in bed..." Morag looked at her middle-aged husband in disbelief. "But I never gave you breakfast in bed!" Her husband nodded and replied: "Yes, I know. I just said that I missed it..." (They say that Hector will make a full recovery once he leaves hospital).

Pirate jokes

feeds@yuku.com (pearl casThrillo) — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 23:19:17 GMT
Aye, a pirate captain walks int' a bar with his first mate and they sit down at the bar. Now, the pirate captain has been a little down on his luck in the world o' women, know what Me mean? His first mate notices some lo'ely piratical wenches across the bar.

"Arr, cap'n, you should go o'er thar and talk t' her, ask her t' dance, aye?"

The captain replied "Arrrr, but what about me one eye? What if she makes fun o' it?"...

Silence is Golden

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sat, 19 May 2007 20:37:36 GMT

Silence is Golden

Jamie was visiting his friend Callum and noticed a set of bagpipes in the corner. "I didn't know you could play the bagpipes," he remarked. Callum grunted "They belong to the chap next door. As long as I have them, he can't play them."

Lachlan's Laws - # 25

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sat, 19 May 2007 20:36:14 GMT
Lachlan's Laws - # 25

That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a "bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another example: "Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone."

Enjoyment?

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sat, 19 May 2007 20:33:51 GMT
Enjoyment?

Maggie was always complaining that Tam was spending too much time drinking at the local bar. Eventually, Tam suggested that Maggie should accompany him and one evening they both arrived at the Auchenshooglie Arms. "What'll ye have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose." So Tam ordered two large whiskies. He drank his in one gulp, while his wife took a small sip from the glass - and pulled a...

Night Out

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 13 May 2007 19:19:43 GMT

Night Out
Dugald suggested to his wife that they should go out for the evening and have some fun and enjoyment. His wife agreed immediately and then remarked "If you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on...."

Lachlan's Laws - # 24

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 13 May 2007 19:17:20 GMT
Lachlan's Laws - # 24
That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a "bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another example: "In slow moving traffic, if you move to another lane because it is moving faster, it always slows down and the lane you were in speeds up."

Change for the Better?

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Sun, 13 May 2007 19:15:32 GMT
Change for the Better?
Angus had been married for six months and was chatting to his friend about married life. "Ever since I got married, my wife has tried to change me. In the last six months I've stopped drinking, smoking, staying out till all hours and I now dress well, enjoy classical music, enjoy fine food and wine and now invest money instead of spending it all. But I'm sad. I now realise that I am so improved, my wife isn't good enough for me...

Mark Up

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 12:54:09 GMT

Mark Up

Donald was a successful cattle farmer in Angus and one evening he took his wife to Dundee for a meal at a "posh" restaurant. When he got the (large) bill at the end, he remarked to his wife: "I've done a quick calculation and based on the price of those steaks we ate, I've got cows back on the farm that must make us millionaires..."

Lachlan's Laws - # 21

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 12:51:18 GMT
Lachlan's Laws - # 21

That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a "bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another example: "Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground."

Secret of a Long Married Life

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 12:15:35 GMT
Secret of a Long Married Life
Morag and Hector had been married for 50 years and had raised 11 children and were also the proud grandparents of 22 grandchildren. A reporter from the local Auchentarry Gazette came to interview them and asked the inevitable question: "What is the secret of your long, married life?" Hector revealed "When we got married, we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the...

Don't Laugh!

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 08:04:06 GMT

Don't Laugh!
Angus ran crying to his mother, rubbing his posterior. His mother asked: "Angus, why are you crying?"

Angus sobbed, "Because daddy hit his thumb with the hammer!"

His mother looked surprised at that and suggested that it wasn't something to cry over - and he should have just laughed.

Angus rubbed his behind and replied tearfully, "I DID laugh!"

Lachlan's Laws - # 20

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 08:01:03 GMT
Lachlan's Laws - # 20

That great Highland philosopher, Lachlan McLachlan, propounded a number of irrefutable laws of life, the universe and everything, usually after a "bevvy" in the Auchenshuggle Arms on a Saturday night. Here is another example: "Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you."

A Proposal

feeds@yuku.com (angus macinnes) — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 08:00:19 GMT
A Proposal

McTavish had been going out with Morag for about two years. Eventually, he decided to "pop the question". As the couple sat in a car, watching the sun go down, McTavish collected enough courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when a man needs companionship of another being - someone who will regard him as...